Farida Pabani-Salmon: Welsh Asian Heritage Project

 

Farah Allibhai  00:01

Farah Allibhai interviewing Mrs. Farida Pabani-Salmon on the 16th of March 2024.

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon  00:17

Hello, my name is Farida Pabani-Salmon. My date of birth is 17th of the 12th 1964 and I was born in Paranga, Uganda, East Africa.

 

Farah Allibhai  00:30

So Farida, what are your memories of life in Uganda?

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon  00:36

I have few memories because I was quite young when we left Uganda, I was seven going on eight. So not a lot of memories, but a few memories of going to school, in the house, you know, just playing outside, but not too many memories, sometimes you don't want to think about certain things, so you don't remember. But I remember going to school and you know, having all the people lining up selling food, you know, kachi keri, as they say – raw mango with chili and salt on the side and peanuts and things like that, you know, so you would have all that, when you come home from school or go into school. Then you'd go to school, and they'd be snakes in the classroom and caretaker would have to come and get them out so you could get into the classroom. You know, and little things, certain memories, and that's about it really, you know, when living with my grandparents, you know, my parents and everybody because my dad was from a big family. So, you know, small memories, not too many.

 

Farah Allibhai  01:50

So what type of school did you go to?

 

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon  01:54

I don't really remember much actually. I think we all went to the same school I don't really remember. It was a big school, you know, sort of don't remember too much about it, you know.

 

Farah Allibhai  02:05

And your entire family lived together?

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon  02:07

Yes, we lived with our grandparents in our house, we did move about because of my dad's job as well. So but we did live together at certain times. But when my dad moved to other places we lived just our parents, you know. But my grandfather had sharpened...you know, the business, he'd made the business up by himself that I don't know too much about, you know, my older siblings know more about than I do. Because you weren't - because you're young, you don't really remember, you don't really have those things that you think about at that time. It's only what you told or what you small, remember, or photographs or things like that you do have that you think oh yes, you know, and that’s about it really. 

 

Farah Allibhai

What was your father's job? 

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon

My father used to be... well he was a mechanic. When we came to the UK, he did mechanics and all this. But he used to work with my grandfather, in the beginning driving lorries for the coffin. That's all I know, I didn't... he was a mechanic like, you know, I didn't really know much about what he did. But he worked with for my grandfather and that, because my grandfather made the business himself. And I don't know much about him either really, you know, I suppose because I was younger again. And my older siblings know more because they had to do more.

 

Farah Allibhai  03:33

How many siblings have you got?

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon  03:34

I'm one of seven. And I am number five. 

 

Farah Allibhai  03:39

Okay, great. So how did your grandfather come to be in East Africa? Do you know at all?

 

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon  03:43

Well, all I know that he went from India to Africa to make money and went to work on the railways, but that wasn't what he wanted. And he decided, you know, he went to work, you know, in other places. And then he was about making a business and doing cotton and then picking cotton and then distributing cotton, he had trucks and things like that. And he used to distribute cotton, you know, to other villages or cities or whatever. And then he got bigger and bigger. And then he had the shops and then like, you know, from what I know, from my siblings, what they've said that is like, you know, he made the little village of Paranga and all this and, you know, villages popped up everywhere then because more immigrants came in, you know, from India than that, you know, and yeah, that's how he made his money and then he had shop which sold everything you know.

 

Farah Allibhai  04:46

So when you say that the village popped up because of your grandfather. Is that because he established a shop there or?

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon  04:52

Yes, I think that yeah, it was probably like that. I would say that, you know, when you put a stall up and then all of a sudden it becomes a shop and then it becomes a village because there's lots more people. And if people are working in on the railways or picking the cotton, or distributing the cotton or driving the lorries, people have got to have somewhere to live. So obviously, the villages become bigger with more people, don't they? You know, so I assume that.

 

Farah Allibhai  05:21

Do you have a memory of what places you lived in Uganda?

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon  05:24

We lived in quite a few places, because most of us siblings, we were born in different places, you know? You're asking me questions. I was born in Paranga. I know my dad was born in Paranga. So I know that from his birth certificate, and then Mbale well, and I didn't know where the others are born, like, you know.

 

Farah Allibhai  05:47

Do you remember much of an Asian community or an Ismaili community in any of these places?

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon  05:52

Not really, I don't remember, there was because obviously, there was Jamatkhana and that, but I don't remember it, you know. 

 

Farah Allibhai  06:00

So that's an interesting thing that there was community in Jamatkhana, in most of these places, so you'd say quite a few Ismailis were in Uganda?

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon  06:07

I would say so. Yes. Yes, I would say so, you know.

 

Farah Allibhai  06:12

Are there any other memories that you'd like to share that are coming up?

 

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon  06:18

Not really, I think, you know, when we had to leave that was a bit traumatic, I think for all of us, because we didn't know what was going on. And everything happened so quickly. And obviously, as younger siblings were shielded more than the older ones, they had to deal with a lot more. But because my dad was the eldest out of, he was one of 12. So he had to deal with everything regarding his parents, his siblings, to make sure that they all got out. And that we were like, the last people to get out. And, you know, my father sort of bribed every checkpoint everything for us to get to the airport to get out, really. So I suppose that's culture, the eldest son and had to get everybody so all his siblings, you know, went to different parts of the world, you know? And so six, you know, we all ended up like six ended up in the UK, six ended up in America and Canada. I mean, now, that's where they are. But before some went to like Holland, and you know, and then they all came to the UK. So, you know, so funny enough isn’t it, three brothers and three sisters in the UK, and three brothers and three sisters in US and Canada? 

 

Farah Allibhai

And these were your father's siblings? 

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon

My father's siblings, you know. 

 

Farah Allibhai

And what happened to your grandparents? 

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon

They went to America with my father's three younger siblings, you know.

 

 

 

Farah Allibhai  08:00

And were they able to get direct flights from Uganda to the US or did they have to make a stop?

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon  08:05

I don't know that. Yeah, I don't know that.

 

Farah Allibhai  08:10

And what are your other memories then of expulsion? You know, on arrival here. 

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon  08:16

Yeah, that was, I remember you know my mum was great. She was our strength. She was our savior, really, she was the best person in my life anyway. And she was strong, she had a tough, far tougher time than we did, because she wasn't from Uganda she came from India. My father was married in India, went to Uganda, and then she had to come to the UK, you know, traveled three continents, you know, in her lifetime, when she's only, you know, in their 30s, you know, and it, I don't know if I could do it or I could survive. You know, her strengths gave us all strength to get through what we had to. And you do anything to protect your children, you look after them, and she did, she took care of us. So for me, she was that pillar of strength in our lives, you know, and I don't remember much about us, like, getting to the airport. But I remember, I can't remember which airport, we came into the UK, but I do remember them giving us those gray blankets and ushering us in, I don't know some rooms and then giving us tea and bread and butter and we thought, this is just disgusting what is this? But you get used to it because that's all you have. You're grateful just to be alive and have something, you know. And then all I - I don't remember but I know that we were taken to Gaydon camp, and that's where we were - in Gaydon Camp, which doesn't exist anymore, apparently it's a housing estate now, what I hear. 

And we lived there, and I don't know how long we lived there. But my dad, he, they got him a job in Coventry. You know, and he used to go, and then we, you know, we lived in the camp, as I said, I don't remember how long or whatever. And then they found us a house in Wales in Penrhys. And we lived in Penrhys for 10 years. And, you know, we went to school. And yes, it was good times. And it was hard times, it was tough times, because you had to integrate, you had to blend in, you had to do different things, which we didn't know how to do. We didn't know what to expect, you know. And there is a photograph of me in school and my friend. And she said to me, and she said, you look very sad in that picture. I said, well, you would look very sad at eight years of age, you've come from a home from another country altogether to a totally different country, where there's not many people who look like you. And you’re in a school where you're the only brown person, nobody looks like you, you'd be sad, you know? So and then obviously, you grow up, you integrate, and some people are nice, and some people are not - you get good and bad in all societies, don't you?

 

Farah Allibhai  11:30

So that's very true. So whilst you were in the Gaydon camp, do you know where that was in England?

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon

In Kent [correction - Warwickshire]

 

Farah Allibhai  

It was in Kent?

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon

In Kent

 

Farah Allibhai  

And the volunteers there or whoever found a job for your father whilst you were living in the county? 

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon

Yes, yeah, 

 

Farah Allibhai  

He would go up to work and then come home? 

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon

Yeah. 

 

Farah Allibhai

Which was at the camp? 

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon

Yeah. 

 

Farah Allibhai

So he was working straightaway. And do you know if there was quite a few people in the camp?

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon  11:58

There was a lot of people, but I don't know if... who went to work and who didn't want to work or who was where or anything, I suppose, you know, I don't... I just know of that, like, you know.

 

Farah Allibhai  12:11

And then you went to Penrhys. What was that like, do you remember the house? What were the community like?

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon  12:18

The house was a beautiful house, because it was a four bedroom house with two toilets. You know, and because we were a family of nine, you know, seven children and two parents. 

Community - some were not nice, and some were very nice. But I suppose our culture and our background, and my mother was the one who, you know, because she cooks, she did all that. And when you talk to people, and you share your food with other people, and people, ask how you are and whatever, that makes a difference. Because we share, my mother shared her food with people and people used to come to our home. Our next door neighbors were just wonderful neighbors, they were really the kindest of people who we, as siblings still see, the children who used to, there were three children live there with their grandparents, and the three children, we still keep in touch with those people to this day, you know, and they were wonderful people. And there was other people, which were nice, but you had to deal with what came along, you know, of racism, bullying, whatever it was, and you had to deal with it, and you just got on with it. And I suppose now, it makes, it made me stronger anyway, you know, and getting through what I did, because it is, you're a different person coming into somebody else's space, and it's different for them to deal with. And it’s different for you to deal with, isn't it?

 

Farah Allibhai  14:17

And you say you have to manage it and deal with it. Do you have any recollections of how you managed it or dealt with that kind of?

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon  14:26

Not really, because I never spoke about it. I didn't tell many people what happened to me when I was in school, or when I... I didn't go to school half the time. You know, I used to mitch from school, because I didn't want to be there and nobody knew I did all these things you know. And you have, because you have older siblings who go to school as well and you know, you have to be like your older sibling. So we're all different. So we do what we want, you know, so when you don't want to be in an environment, you don't stay you, you know, you just don't stay in school and, you know, the bullying and the racism and all that, that takes a toll on you. But then I don't know, I just dealt with it, I suppose the best I could I just kept quiet and got on with it, you know, you keep it in your head, or, I don't know, I'm must have cried well I did cry, you know, but on your own, you don't share it with anybody until now I suppose you can talk about it, because people didn't talk about those sorts of things at all, you know.

 

Farah Allibhai  15:36

So, for people who don't know what mitching is, it means not going to school. 

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon

Yeah, sorry. 

 

Farah Allibhai

So did you feel that now in this point in your life, that had a negative impact on your career trajectory or your life? Or do you feel that it's not really made? You've made the best of what you've had? 

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon  15:59

Yeah, I suppose if I'd stayed in school, I would have had better qualifications. Yes, of course, you know, and, but I suppose the thing is, we all have, we all have our forte days in life. And what you are, you can only deal, you can only make the best of what you have. And I made the best of what I have. I have worked since the age of 14. I'm going to be in my 60s. I've washed dishes, I've cleaned floors, I've washed toilets, I don't care what I do, as long as I can work to pay my way.

 

Farah Allibhai  16:37

And at age 14, what was your first job?

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon  16:40

I used to wash dishes in a fish and chip shop cafe. 

 

Farah Allibhai

And where was that? 

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon

That was in Pontypridd because we had moved from Penrhys to Pontypridd. My dad was working in Cardiff for a company called Edward Curran and obviously we got to a point that he could afford to buy a house, which my eldest sisters, and my brother, and they helped my dad and we, they bought the house when we moved to Pontypridd. And I was 14, you know, going on 15. And we moved down there and yeah, the shop was owned by a couple from Pakistan. And yeah, I gone and went in and I got this job washing dishes. And then I work myself, you know, serving the food. And then I ran the shop for two years before then I decided to get a job and I got a job working for a catering company and I worked for South Wales Police in Pontypridd police station. And then I worked in the Cardiff Central Police Station. And then I did you know, I've been in catering most of my life, you know, I did go to college, you know, and I went to college, not University as these days, it was just college, and I did catering college there. So I learned a lot about English or Welsh cooking - British cuisine, then put it that way, you know, and but you know worked in lots of different things, it doesn't matter. As long as I've got a job to pay my way, I'll do the job. And I have respect for myself to work hard, because that's the work ethic. Our parents taught us as all of us siblings, you know, we have that work ethic, you know?

 

Farah Allibhai  18:36

And do you think it was that worth ethic that helped you to settle in Wales in the way that you have?

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon  18:43

Yes, because we have to work, you have to work hard to, to get whatever you wanted, you know. Be respectful to people and people will be respectful to you. Acknowledge people, people who didn’t acknowledge you, work hard - show that you can work hard, nothing comes for free. You have to work hard, you have to earn things, you know, my mother came from India to Africa to the UK, yeah. My father came from Africa to the UK, they’re people who were not well educated. They were educated in their own culture in their own language, but they came to a country where they did know that but we were lucky because we could speak English as children from Africa to England. That was a little bit better for us because we could speak English, you know, so to get in with the community in school, which was good because we could speak we could get on with things more, you know. But as I said, some people were nice people, some people weren't and you had to deal with it because we had come here and we were just happy to be alive in our home you know?

 

Farah Allibhai  19:56

And could both your parents speak English?

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon  19:59

No, my mother couldn't speak English. I don't think my father could speak, maybe a little bit, you know, but as children, my eldest siblings helped my parents with a lot you see. And then my parents did go to learn English, you know, go to English classes and all that, you know, to learn. And yeah, you know, my mother, my father was more well conversed than my mother because she didn't go out to work. She was at home. But she got by, and sometimes people thought that they couldn't converse with her. But she listened to everything that she said. And she never said a word until she had to say something. And then they were surprised - oh, you know.

 

Farah Allibhai  20:42

How long did your mum and dad go to learn English. How many, was it a year? 

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon  20:48

Oh I know. I don't know. They used to have classes. And I don't know how long they went for, like, you know. 

 

Farah Allibhai  20:54

So it sounds like the older siblings were very instrumental in helping your mum and dad settle in Wales.

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon  21:02

Yes.

 

Farah Allibhai  21:03

Do you remember any of the organizations that helped you and your family at the time, or was that responsibility put on, taken up by your older siblings? 

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon  21:12

Yeah, I think it was more taken up by my older siblings more. 

I don't remember any organizations, maybe they was you know, but it was very lucky because my eldest brother was working. And he - there was a couple who owned a record shop in Tonypandy. And they were just absolutely beautiful people, lovely, lovely people, which, you know, we kept in touch with all our lives. They are both passed away now and they had no children. But they took my brother in as their own and all that. And the lady's two brothers were very famous actors and singers. And they were just wonderful, because Mal, he was a judge. And he helped a lot in filling out forms when we have to, have our naturalization papers. And he was just - they were both wonderful people who helped us a lot to fill out all these forms that we could didn't understand, you know? And, yeah, they were lovely people. And they helped a lot.

 

Farah Allibhai  22:30

So how is your life now in Wales?

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon  22:34

Now in Wales, I live in Pembrokeshire. By myself, I've just become widowed in the last year and a half. It's difficult to be on my own, but it's been a wonderful life with my husband, you know. And you deal with different things being on your own different, look at life differently. I am much stronger person than I always was. My mother made me strong, because she was the focus of our life and how, what she went through, if she can go through that I can do something which is nothing compared to what she went through. Be strong, be who you are, be respectful to everybody, be kind to everybody, whoever doesn't matter if they're pink, blue, green with yellow spots, be kind to people, and people will be kind to you. You can't help if people don't like you. 

You can't, you can't be responsible for anybody's action, only your own, being responsible for your own actions and be kind. So that's what I hold on to. And that's what I do. I'm respectful to everybody try my best to be a kind person. I'm kind to my family, my friends, the most important people to me, you know, and people you share things like my mother shared with people, when we first came to the UK, in Penrhys, you share things, you share with the community that you live in. Some people will accept you some people won't. And you just keep the people closer to you who do and the others you just don't. And you get on with everyday life. Hard as it can be or not. Some days are good and some days are bad.

 

Farah Allibhai  24:33

So please accept my sincere condolences. Very sorry to hear about your husband. Can you tell me a bit more about him? How - who was he? How did you meet him?

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon  24:45

John, John was a wonderful person he was, I was in, I was working in Cardiff at the time and in our Mosque as the Jamatkhana we call, there was a lady who owned a place in St. Davids in Pembrokeshire. She was a Ugandan Asian and had married her husband in Uganda. He was a teacher in Uganda. And they had come to Pembrokeshire and they had bought this pub come Bed and Breakfast and they were running that. And she always used to say to me, are you’re in catering come and work for me come and work for me. But I said no. And then this one day she asked me, and I was having a few issues with the catering company that I was working with. And I said yes. And I came to St. Davids not even knowing where the place was.

 

 

 

 

Farah Allibhai  00:02

Could you tell me about your husband where he's from? How did you meet?

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon  00:06

Yeah, John, John was a wonderful person. John was Pembrokeshire born and bred. And I came to work in St. Davids through an Ismaili lady who used to come to the mosque, Jamatkhana in Cardiff where I was and she always used to say to me come and work for me because her and her husband ran a pub, and a bed and breakfast. And one time I was having, you know, issues for the catering company that was working for in Canton in Cardiff. Then she just asked me and I said, yeah, go on, I'll come and work for you. I didn't know where even St. Davids was. And yeah, I packed my bags. And I came to St. Davids and I came to St. Davids and I lived and I worked in the city and pub for this lady and her husband, and in the kitchen. And it was, I just thought, what on earth have I done? Because it was like coming to the end of the earth because it was like, you've never seen anything like it. It's so quiet, peaceful. Not many people. But in the summertime, it's absolutely buzzing because of the people, visitors, holidaymakers. And John used to come into the pub there. And that's how we met. And not that I was interested or looking or whatever. But he clocked me more than I clocked in. And then yeah, one day he asked, and I said, yeah, let's see. And, you know, we talked and one thing led to another, and then we got married, and we were married for 30 years, and he died, you know. And it's hard, it's hard, because you miss him, he was a big part of my life. And a big part of my parent's life, he helped me look after them till the day they died. He did more for my parents than some people would have, you know. But you come from two different cultures but you, I taught him a lot and he taught me a lot. You know, because he had, he was older than I was, you know. But he had his parents, his father had already passed away before I came along. You know, he had his mum and his two sisters, you know, and I did a lot with them, because that was my culture. My mother always taught us that about family was important. And it still is. And I, he was obviously he did, he was involved with his family. But I made him more involved in his family by what I did for his family's siblings, his sisters and that and he became aware of how important my parents were. So when my parents needed me, I had to make the decision to leave St Davids to go look after them. And he accepted that and we lived apart for two years while I went off and started looking after my parents, but he would visit come and visit every weekend because he worked for the MOD in Brawdy in Pembrokeshire. And then when he retired, he came and lived with us in Pontypridd then he helped me look after both my parents until they died. And then after my mum died, you know, it was it was a dreadful, dreadful time for me. And if it wasn't for John, I don't know if I, how I would have got through it without him. He made me so strong. So then we came back to St. Davis because we kept our home here because he needed his home, he needed - this was his happy place. You know, John wasn't one for going on big holidays or any holidays. His holiday was his home, his garden. He used to grow things greenhouses galore and grow absolutely everything. And that was his happy place. And he was just that country bumpkin. And as long as he was happy, I was happy.

 

Farah Allibhai  04:38

So it sounds that despite the cultural and racial differences, you managed to have a very equitable and understanding marriage.

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon  04:51

Because John saw me. John saw me he didn't see a brown skin or anybody, and when somebody or anybody sees you, they see you, as a person, as a human being. And I saw him as a person as a human being. And when people see you as a human being, that's all that counts doesn't matter if you're black, brown, blue, green, yellow, or sexual orientation, wherever you are, it doesn't matter. As long as you see people as human beings, and you're not hurting anybody, what does it matter?

 

Farah Allibhai  05:37

So as you're able to navigate any sort of cultural challenges? 

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon  05:42

We did together because we spoke to each other. And when it had to come, to take him home to meet my parents, that was very difficult for me. Because everything my parents said, and did was important to me, and they were the most important people in my life. And I had said to him, you know, my dad might be a bit old when you see him, you know, I don't know how this is going to go down and whatever. But he was, so he spoke to them, as human beings as people in their own right, as my parents and the respect he gave them, he had them both eating out of the palm of his hand. And everybody in my father's family knows about John, my father is one of 12 people. They live all over the world. And everybody knows about John, because my father spoke so highly of him, so highly of this person who did so much for both my parents. You think that they don't... children would do that for them, yeah, and he was so loved by everybody. My whole family, but yeah.

 

Farah Allibhai  06:57

Thank you very much. Thank you.

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon  07:05

So you take one day at a time and you thankful for every day you have, and you think of everything that you've got, even without them.

 

Farah Allibhai  07:16

So how would you describe your identity now? You know, you're a widow, but you’re so many other things as well. So how would you describe yourself now?

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon  07:33

I'm, you know, I'm Indian. I'm Welsh. I am Welsh. I've may not have been born in Wales or the UK. But I identify, when people asked me, who are you? I say, I am Welsh, you know, and when they say where do you from? I said, I'm from Cardiff you know, unless they asked me certain impertinent questions. You reply, in a very respectful manner, otherwise, you know, but I am Indian, I'm an Ismaili Muslim. I was born in Africa. But I'm Welsh. I am whoever I want to be. Yeah, as long as I am a kind, good human being. And that is my motto - one day at a time and be a kind human being. It's all about being that human being, not anything else.

 

Farah Allibhai  08:34

And coming onto being a human being. What does resilience mean to you and your family in your community?

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon  08:41

Oh resilience, resilience. That all comes and stems from my mum, my mother, and that is the only person to what she went through and taught us how hard life for her was what we saw as children. And we, you, you take that from the people who teach you, you pick all these things up, everybody has different experiences, us seven siblings, we all had different experiences. And we would say different things because you can show somebody a photograph, two people would see different things. So everybody's experience is different. But for me, my father's ethics, work hard, work hard, work hard. You will have to work 10 times harder than a British person to get on in life. To have a good job, to get somewhere, yeah, and that's the work ethic. We have work hard, work hard, just work, because you won't get anywhere without money. You've got to work hard to get that money no matter what job you do. You could sweep, you could clean the streets. It doesn't matter. You have a job, you can pay your way in life. My mother worked hard at home, every mother, every wife, that is - they have a job. When somebody says oh you're a housewife. No, that is her life. That is a job. She has worked hard to look after her husband, her children, her life, she's worked hard at that. It doesn't come just like that, that you fall into your lap, oh I'm a housewife, I'm a mother. It's hard work to be a wife, a mother, to bring them up, to give your children lifelong tools. To get on in life, we all have to have our tools. And I had my tools from my parents to help me work in any job I've had worked in, from washing dishes, to working in a factory to working for the police force, yeah, to cleaning, holiday cottages, you know, or working in a clothes shop or a post office. And how you speak to people how you come across as well, in all of my life that I've worked, I've always known I had to be there. I have, in the last 25 years of my life, I've never had an interview. Because I have been recommended to people and they have come to me asked me would I like to work for them. That is a great thing to have when your name precedes you. And that's what I give... I've had from my mother and my father. Work hard, be respectful, be kind, and your tools for Life in what you do, and you work hard.

 

Farah Allibhai  11:51

That's wonderful. Thank you very much. Is there anything else you'd like to add around? Coming from East Africa? And being an Asian woman, Ismaili Muslim? Was there anything else you'd like to add to your experience here? Or the people who have supported you or helped you, the things that have happened?

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon  12:11

Yes, I think life you know, it's not all been rosy. It all hasn't been great. We've all had to deal with lots of racism, bullying, you know, when I was young, yes, I would you know, as I said, everybody, my siblings have had different experiences. I was bullied a lot in school, I had a lot of racism in school, I was beaten up, my head was flushed down the toilet. You know, I was squared up in the cloak room, you know, when you're trying to get out and people, girls, just four of them against one of you, you know, and you're trying to get out, you're trying to live. You know, I had a wonderful brother Shakut, who passed away 22 years ago, he was my best friend. He taught me how to be strong as well, because he wasn't afraid of anybody. And he was very, he never treated people differently. Like my father. They never treated people differently. If you had a pound, or if you had a million pound, they treated you the same. And I treat people the same. If you're homeless, or if you have a million pound house, you're a human being, treat people be kind. Shakut taught me that, you know, and that's how you get along in life as well. You can't make people like you for who you are. But if people see you, my John, my husband, John, he's saw me. When people don't see your skin color or anything, and they see you, that's a wonderful thing to have, when they see you that person, you know, so all these things, the bullying the racism, which still occurs today, you know, you become more resilient, but you don't, at this age, I don't pay attention to any person who doesn't like me, because I don't bring them into my space. I keep them at arm's length. You don't acknowledge it because you're wasting oxygen on these people. Why waste your oxygen on these people? Walk away you're a better person to walk away, unless it is in your face and you're threatened. That's a different situation you have to deal with that, the situation as it is, but step back, you know, but never don't walk away from you know, step forward, when you have to step forward to hold... you have a right to be here you have the right to be a human being, you know, so all throughout my life there has been all this and things become less but you change as a person you try to become stronger. And because I had two great role models who went through so much - my parents, yeah. And my elder siblings taught me a lot as well, you know, don't be afraid, look them straight in the eye. You may be afraid inside, but don't show it. And that's how my brother Shakut taught me that. And that's what I hold in myself every time, I may be shaken inside, but I will never show you that I'm afraid of you. And I don't care who you are. Yeah. But at the end of the day, the motto is be a kind human being. And you have to make your own life, you have to be the kind person you have to be, you know, I live in St. Davids, my house is - I have so many family who come to visit me, my house is like a bed and breakfast. You know, people love coming here because I look after people, my mother told me that feed people, be kind to people. And I get on with people, and I try and be who I am. And we can't all - you still have to be you. You have to have your own values and respect yourself. You know, we have to integrate, blending whatever you want to call it. But you don't have to change who you are. You have to be yourself. Being a Ismaili, Muslim woman is hard enough to be just a woman. You know, in all walks of life, it's hard to be a woman, you have to work 10 times harder. I can do that just as good as anybody else doesn’t matter who they are, as anybody else. And you get through it. And but you have to respect yourself to say, oh, hang on, that's, that's overstepping the mark, I can't do that. I will be where I am. And if that's that, in all of my life, I have dealt with that I have had friends who have drunk, smoke, whatever, in my circle of friends, they've always drunk, smoked, whatever did lots of things. And I have always known that is my white line. And I will not cross it and I never have. And I never will because that is - I lose my self respect by doing these things. Don't get me wrong, my halo is not around my head it is around my neck. Yeah, so I'm not saying that it's all wonderful and light. And I'm not that you know, wonderful person. But be kind, be respectful, and learn by every mistake that you make, and be strong. Just be kind, just be a kind human being. And I am so grateful, to be alive, to have had an opportunity to come to another country that we have made a home that we were just grateful to be alive. And I am in this stage of my life that I just become a widow. I've lost my nephew a year before I lost my husband. I lost my sister six months after my husband. All these things. You never imagined that happen. But if somebody said to me remember, one day you were 15 and 16 you were in school, you went to college, then all of a sudden, people are getting engaged. People are getting married, people are getting children, having children, people getting older, you're older. So it's now time that people are coming to the end their life. And yeah, you're going through the motions of life. It's the circle of life. Because that's where we all come one way and we're all going to go one way and that's where we are. And for the first time in my life, I really don't know who I am and where I'm going, but I'm sure that I will. I've just got to grieve for what I've lost, the most important people in my life and deal with that. And then I can move on when it's time to move on. That will happen when it happens. Everything happens for a reason. And it will only happen when it's meant to happen.

 

Farah Allibhai  19:17

But for now you're quite comfortable staying in St Davids

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon  19:21

At this moment. For how long, I don't know. But at this moment, yes. Because I have to have time to grieve and get over my trauma in everything that I've been through.

 

Farah Allibhai  19:35

Well, thank you very much indeed for sharing for us.

 

Farida Pabani-Salmon  19:38

You're welcome. Thank you