JACK'S YARNS: A REGULAR SWANK (1915)

Description

Date: 27 May 1915

Transcript:

A REGULAR SWANK

My word! I got a hearty laugh
Down here the other day;
And at a native, too; a youth
Who'd been a year away
In London town—a junior clerk,
Or something in a bank.
Whate'er he was up there, flown here
He was a reg'lar swank!

I met him accidentally
On Mondav 'long the pier.
"Hullo!" I says, off-handed like,
"What brings your lordship here?
Bank bust, or have ye got the push?"
He frowned and stared at me.
"If you're addressing ME," he says,
"Haw—do it civilly."

[cartoon of a man in fashionable dress going for a walk]
A reg'lar swank.

"Besides, I've not the pleasure—haw—
Of your acquaintance, sir."
"G'on." I says, "ain't you the son
O' Widow Forrester?
I've known ye since ye were a kid,
And, lor', it does seem queer
That you don't know me, when you used
To fetch my supper beer."

He stared again. "Haw—to be sure,
I've got a dim ideah
About some rough old sailor man
I used to know down heah.
Haw—yes, I know. You're Sailor Jack.
I really did forget.
I'm glad to see you, Jack, old boy—
Haw—have a cigarette."

[cartoon of Jack confronting the man]
"You used to fetch my beer!"

And then he starts to tell the tale—
The salary he got
"I am the manager, ye know "—
O' course, 'twas Tommy rot.
And then he drifted to the war,
About the Zeppelin raid,
And wondered why on earth some folk
Of bombs should be afraid.

"Some people are so nervous—haw—
They simply act the fool;
Now, as for me—haw-—come what may,
I always keep quite cool.
I wouldn't move a muscle—haw—
Suppose a bomb burst here."
He little knew a paper one
Was perilously near!

[cartoon of a boy blowing up a paper bag behind the man's back]
I wouldn't move a muscle.

For, as he spoke, a little kid,
With paper-bag in hand,
Came sauntering 'long the pier, and just
Behind him took his stand.
And there he stood with open mouth,
A-listening earnestly,
To the tall tale the City youth
Began to spin to me.

"I was at Southend," he went on,
"And down at Ramsgate, too,
The day those Zeppelins dropped their bombs,
And—haw—they dropped a few.
D'ye think I ran for shelter, Jack,
Like most folk? Not a bit,
I got a pail of water, and
I caught the bombs in it

[cartoon of the man running away in fear]
"Zeppelins! Bombs!"

The little boy with paper bag
Was listening all the while;
When he heard this, [he] ??? [his] face
There came a kno[wing smil]e.
The paper bag went [to his m]outh.
And, blowing [steadily]
He filled it, the[n]—whack—bang! it went,
It nearly deafened me.

The City youth sprang ten feet high,
Then with a fearsome yell
We could ha' heard a mile away
Fled down the pier pell-mell.
I haven't seen that cool, calm youth
From London since that day,
But, lor'! I'd like to see him when
A real bomb comes his way!


Source:
McMann, W. ‘Jack’s Yarns: “A Regular Swank”.’ The Brecon County Times. 27 May 1915. 7.

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